What do I say !

My first blog. So a beginner for all practical purposes. A late entrant, maybe. But after seeing all my friends burgeoning onto this domain of free expression, I thought, well what the heck, I can open an account and write something that's important to the world. So I go to the site, learn what is blogging, and open an account in 3 easy steps. Then, I come across a blank page. And a blank head. And I think, now what? I mean, I have got this entire space to fill up, write anything about everything or the other way round, and there might be someone who might find it worth reading. High hopes, I must admit! But what do I write about? Actually, I think I have nothing to say. Or maybe far too many things to say. And I can't choose any one amongst them.

Or, maybe, I know what to say, and to whom, and why, and when, but I just can't seem to figure out how. Come to think of it, I face this situation often. Not just here. Or anywhere. Any given place or time. Or context. This happens a lot of times. Times, when, I have something to say, and yet don't know how to say it. Or I may have nothing to say, and still think I need to say something. And whatever I say, it ends up being something I never wanted to say. Or I may have said exactly what I wanted, but the listener doesn't get what I wanted to say. Who's at fault?

I think, I lack a proper vocabulary, I tend to get stuck with words. Flowery words, you know; rosy words, precise words, jargon's and stuff. Stuff that gets the listener's attention. Stuff that can make you a master of words. Stuff that can get people to notice you whenever you say or write something. You may differ. You may say, know what, it's the clarity of thought that you lack. It's all in the content. It's not how you put it. It should come from deep inside the heart, you get what I'm saying? And then I ask you, you sure? You say, yes. And then I start thinking, if that's the case, then why do we need words? Isn't body language sufficient for that? What good are words if all you ever wanted was the emotion?

You would tell me, it's all in the attitude. Skills would follow if you have the right attitude. You are a wise person. I must agree with you. Then, why do people misunderstand? Why do a few words make or break a relationship? Why do people get hurt because they were told a few things by someone? I say, guess what, all that attitude and stuff, can be faked. Good actors can do that. And the listener won't even get a hint. You tell me, but that can't be sustained for ever, can it? I say, who cares about forever when it's all decided in a moment? You say, yes you can win with style for the moment, but in the long run, if you lack the right attitude, you're going straight out of the window. I say, let me enter first. Will think about all those things later on.

You tell me, well, get your thoughts together. Put them in a piece of mental paper. Get what you want to say, right. It's all about relationship, you know. It's all about the other person. You need to convey the message right there. That makes me think, well, shouldn't the other person be told all these things too? Do the listener know that she's all that important? Does she know that whatever I say would turn into exactly whatever she wants to hear? Or doesn't want to hear? So what do I say, exactly? I mean, what is even the point in saying things?

You tell me, it's communication. It's not about saying stuff. It's about expressing yourself. About emotions and feelings. Words are just like a conveyor belt. Passing stuff from one point to another. I ask you, well what if the other point is blocked? You ask me, what block? I stop for a moment, and say, you know, biases, expectations, cultures, even hostility. All this and may be more. You tell me, well I guess all this exists. And you need to get rid of them. No, not get rid of them. You accept that they are there, and try to work around them. I ask you, how? You tell me, that you need to figure out.

I'm stuck again.